perfect engagement
What could be more romantic than getting engaged to a childhood sweetheart you were separated from when you joined the merchant navy and she followed a nursing career at the other end of the country? Years later, a chance meeting on Christmas Eve when coincidence, or was it the stars brought us back together in the small Welsh town we were brought up in. The photograph above does not begin to do justice to the magical occasion that our engagement was to become.
the background
It is the 1970's and I am a very insecure teenager of low self esteem attending the local Comprehensive School. One of my friends is going out with a girl from a private school and through this I ended up meeting my future wife. She lived in a large house in a posh part of Abergavenny and a small group of us would congregate in her bedroom to listen to records. It was all totally innocent and her parents were very understanding of the considerable noise we made. We spent a lot of time together as a group and throughout I admired her from afar but was always too insecure and shy to ask her out because she was sure to refuse and that would end my chances of being with her. So when I say childhood sweetheart it was a rather one side affair.
I went off to Merchant Navy College and she went to Edinburgh to study nursing so that was the end of the one sided relationship and we did not keep in touch. Three years in college and then my first voyage on a ship that lasted over four months. I gained a lot of experience and more confidence during that time and with the ship back in the UK I was sent home for a glorious two month leave commencing just before Christmas.
Abergavenny is a small market town and after my travels to exotic places it seemed incredibly boring and it was claustrophobic living in my parents house. To be honest I was dreading Christmas but it was to take a turn for the better. My Father came home from work for lunch and he said he had bumped into a girl who knew me and she had given him her phone number for me to call. I acted calmly and waited for him to go back to work because there was only one phone and as was typical in those days, it was in the hall. I called her, we agreed to go for a drink together and the rest as they say is history.
I went off to Merchant Navy College and she went to Edinburgh to study nursing so that was the end of the one sided relationship and we did not keep in touch. Three years in college and then my first voyage on a ship that lasted over four months. I gained a lot of experience and more confidence during that time and with the ship back in the UK I was sent home for a glorious two month leave commencing just before Christmas.
Abergavenny is a small market town and after my travels to exotic places it seemed incredibly boring and it was claustrophobic living in my parents house. To be honest I was dreading Christmas but it was to take a turn for the better. My Father came home from work for lunch and he said he had bumped into a girl who knew me and she had given him her phone number for me to call. I acted calmly and waited for him to go back to work because there was only one phone and as was typical in those days, it was in the hall. I called her, we agreed to go for a drink together and the rest as they say is history.
the engagement
Fast forward a couple of years and the day has arrived. I propose marriage, my proposal is accepted and to follow tradition I now needed to formally ask her fathers permission to marry. He worked in the town so I timed my visit to coincide with him being back home fo his lunch. I nervously rang the door bell, he answered the door and I asked to speak to him. I told him we wanted to get married and he seemed genuinely pleased but then I heard the less than favourable words from my future Mother in Laws lips. "I suppose he is as good as anybody around here" I heard her say. Not exactly the reaction that I had been hoping for but I was determined not to let it spoil the moment.
I went home told my parents and then spent the afternoon in the pub to celebrate with my friends by drinking heavily. I can only estimate but I probably drank about eight pints of real ale on an empty stomach, staggered home and went to bed to sleep it off. I was woken by my father saying, you've got to get up, we are all going out for a meal to celebrate your engagement. My future father in law had booked a table for fifteen at a smart restaurant just outside the town.
In a befuddled state, I showered and tried my best to look presentable but I felt like hell. Have you ever had the feeling the morning after when even the sight of a beer advert is enough to make you feel sick, well that is how I felt so how the hell I was going to eat a meal I did not know.
We arrived at the restaurant and it was my worst nightmare because all the old relatives were there and of course my future wife's evil sister. She was the younger sister and she made my life hell with constant snide comments at my expense. It was a long table and to my horror I was sitting right in the middle of a long bench up against the wall. No chance of escape because the old grannies would all have to get up. I was positioned here so that I could make a speech, a toast to my future wife, say something nice about my future parents in law etc. I could barely function never mind think about making a speech.
I took my seat and the owner of the restaurant who was a close personal friend of my future father in law greeted and congratulated us. Knowing that we were real ale fans he brought over pints of old speckled hen for the men, free of charge. This is not just feeling queasy looking at an advert for beer, this is the real thing. I am expected to drink copious quantities of beer, act like a serious future son in law and worse still eat solid food. I immediately felt horrendously sick and started to sweat. I could see evil future sister in law looking me and grinning like a Cheshire Cat because I think she had worked out why I looked so pale and ill. I sipped my beer or rather I touched my lips with the beer but I was immediately hit with waves of nausea. Totally trapped by the old and infirm I had a horrendous vision of vomiting all over the mixed starters that were being laid out down the centre of the table. Future father in law had almost finished his pint and said "drink up Steve, tonight is a big celebration I will just get another one in for you". I put on my best smile, "great" I said, raised my glass, said cheers and drank half a pint in a few huge gulps. "Thats better" said future father in law.
The result of gulping down the beer was never in doubt, my body was going to reject it and it was just a matter of how long I could contain myself. Something had to be done, so with the last of my resolve and with a huge fixed smile, I stood up, apologised profusely for not using the bathroom earlier and the poor geriatrics complete with walking sticks had to shuffle out for me. It seemed to take forever but I kept smiling and apologising but at last I was free. I sidled out of my prison as if in no particular hurry in order to give the impression that everything was ok and I even managed to give two thumbs up to future father in law who was coming back with a full tray of beer.
It was quite a long walk to the door that led to the corridor and the toilets and I hoped that they would not be occupied by drinkers from the pub bar next door. I walked casually but with the feeling of nausea having reached the point of no return. This was going to be messy. Having almost sauntered to the door, I closed it behind me and started running. I had just reached the gents when the eruption began. It was projectile, it covered the floor in the corridor, the walls, the sink and the single sit down toilet. This was not just a cleaning job, this wallpapered room would require redecoration. I looked at the scene of devastation around me in horror and then checked my clothes. By some miracle they were unblemished, I quickly rinsed out my mouth, washed my face and feeling considerable better tiptoed back out to the corridor. I really was feeling better so I went back into the restaurant with a huge grin, and I could feel the colour coming back into my cheeks. Back in my seat I downed the remaining half pint in one huge gulp, picked up the next pint and made a short speech followed by a toast to my future wife and parents in law. I touched glasses with future father in law, said cheers and downed another half pint.
We sat down to eat, evil future sister in law grinning at me as I loaded my plate with starters in an attempt to show that I was in fine fettle and extremely hungry. It was at this point that that there was a bit of a commotion and the owner burst through the door and started talking animatedly to his staff. I ignored it and kept chatting happily whilst eating hungrily and obviously. Eventually future father in law noticed that something was amiss and went over to speak to the owner. They talked for some time and the owner looked furious and was waving his arms in the air. I was convinced that my engagement was going to be very short lived and future father in law returned to the table looking serious. Sorry he said, the gents toilets are out of order because one of the young farmers from the pub had a bit too much to drink and made a mess in there. "Lucky you went when you did" he said to me. Evil future sister in law grinned even more horribly in my direction.
Approximately twenty-five years later, father in law, now divorced, is staying with us in Edinburgh. He is depressed because in fact this is his second divorce and after a lifetimes hard work he has been left with almost nothing and is living in a tiny bedsit. I took him to my favourite pub to cheer him up , The Canny Manns in Morningside. We stood at the bar and waited patiently for our pints of Caledonian IPA to be poured. When they arrived we touched glasses, I said cheers, gulped down half a pint and he said "was it you that was sick all over the toilets at your engagement party?". "Yes' I replied "it was me". "I thought so" he said. We continued drinking our pints.
This was not really the best start to a marriage and it reminded me of a story that Amanda Holden told in an interview on television. Her boyfriend, the comedian Les Dennis took her for a walk along the river and at a particularly beautiful spot, got down on one knee and proposed marriage. Amanda accepted and initially thought the fact that two beautiful white swans passed them at that exact moment was a good omen for their future life together but then she noticed that one of the swans was actually dead. The marriage was a well publicised acrimonious failure and they divorced. I also got divorced!
I went home told my parents and then spent the afternoon in the pub to celebrate with my friends by drinking heavily. I can only estimate but I probably drank about eight pints of real ale on an empty stomach, staggered home and went to bed to sleep it off. I was woken by my father saying, you've got to get up, we are all going out for a meal to celebrate your engagement. My future father in law had booked a table for fifteen at a smart restaurant just outside the town.
In a befuddled state, I showered and tried my best to look presentable but I felt like hell. Have you ever had the feeling the morning after when even the sight of a beer advert is enough to make you feel sick, well that is how I felt so how the hell I was going to eat a meal I did not know.
We arrived at the restaurant and it was my worst nightmare because all the old relatives were there and of course my future wife's evil sister. She was the younger sister and she made my life hell with constant snide comments at my expense. It was a long table and to my horror I was sitting right in the middle of a long bench up against the wall. No chance of escape because the old grannies would all have to get up. I was positioned here so that I could make a speech, a toast to my future wife, say something nice about my future parents in law etc. I could barely function never mind think about making a speech.
I took my seat and the owner of the restaurant who was a close personal friend of my future father in law greeted and congratulated us. Knowing that we were real ale fans he brought over pints of old speckled hen for the men, free of charge. This is not just feeling queasy looking at an advert for beer, this is the real thing. I am expected to drink copious quantities of beer, act like a serious future son in law and worse still eat solid food. I immediately felt horrendously sick and started to sweat. I could see evil future sister in law looking me and grinning like a Cheshire Cat because I think she had worked out why I looked so pale and ill. I sipped my beer or rather I touched my lips with the beer but I was immediately hit with waves of nausea. Totally trapped by the old and infirm I had a horrendous vision of vomiting all over the mixed starters that were being laid out down the centre of the table. Future father in law had almost finished his pint and said "drink up Steve, tonight is a big celebration I will just get another one in for you". I put on my best smile, "great" I said, raised my glass, said cheers and drank half a pint in a few huge gulps. "Thats better" said future father in law.
The result of gulping down the beer was never in doubt, my body was going to reject it and it was just a matter of how long I could contain myself. Something had to be done, so with the last of my resolve and with a huge fixed smile, I stood up, apologised profusely for not using the bathroom earlier and the poor geriatrics complete with walking sticks had to shuffle out for me. It seemed to take forever but I kept smiling and apologising but at last I was free. I sidled out of my prison as if in no particular hurry in order to give the impression that everything was ok and I even managed to give two thumbs up to future father in law who was coming back with a full tray of beer.
It was quite a long walk to the door that led to the corridor and the toilets and I hoped that they would not be occupied by drinkers from the pub bar next door. I walked casually but with the feeling of nausea having reached the point of no return. This was going to be messy. Having almost sauntered to the door, I closed it behind me and started running. I had just reached the gents when the eruption began. It was projectile, it covered the floor in the corridor, the walls, the sink and the single sit down toilet. This was not just a cleaning job, this wallpapered room would require redecoration. I looked at the scene of devastation around me in horror and then checked my clothes. By some miracle they were unblemished, I quickly rinsed out my mouth, washed my face and feeling considerable better tiptoed back out to the corridor. I really was feeling better so I went back into the restaurant with a huge grin, and I could feel the colour coming back into my cheeks. Back in my seat I downed the remaining half pint in one huge gulp, picked up the next pint and made a short speech followed by a toast to my future wife and parents in law. I touched glasses with future father in law, said cheers and downed another half pint.
We sat down to eat, evil future sister in law grinning at me as I loaded my plate with starters in an attempt to show that I was in fine fettle and extremely hungry. It was at this point that that there was a bit of a commotion and the owner burst through the door and started talking animatedly to his staff. I ignored it and kept chatting happily whilst eating hungrily and obviously. Eventually future father in law noticed that something was amiss and went over to speak to the owner. They talked for some time and the owner looked furious and was waving his arms in the air. I was convinced that my engagement was going to be very short lived and future father in law returned to the table looking serious. Sorry he said, the gents toilets are out of order because one of the young farmers from the pub had a bit too much to drink and made a mess in there. "Lucky you went when you did" he said to me. Evil future sister in law grinned even more horribly in my direction.
Approximately twenty-five years later, father in law, now divorced, is staying with us in Edinburgh. He is depressed because in fact this is his second divorce and after a lifetimes hard work he has been left with almost nothing and is living in a tiny bedsit. I took him to my favourite pub to cheer him up , The Canny Manns in Morningside. We stood at the bar and waited patiently for our pints of Caledonian IPA to be poured. When they arrived we touched glasses, I said cheers, gulped down half a pint and he said "was it you that was sick all over the toilets at your engagement party?". "Yes' I replied "it was me". "I thought so" he said. We continued drinking our pints.
This was not really the best start to a marriage and it reminded me of a story that Amanda Holden told in an interview on television. Her boyfriend, the comedian Les Dennis took her for a walk along the river and at a particularly beautiful spot, got down on one knee and proposed marriage. Amanda accepted and initially thought the fact that two beautiful white swans passed them at that exact moment was a good omen for their future life together but then she noticed that one of the swans was actually dead. The marriage was a well publicised acrimonious failure and they divorced. I also got divorced!